A Happy Hotep Christmas

                                                                              

                                                   The 12 Days of Hotep

　

On the 1^st Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Cliocatra up a pine tree!

On the 2nd Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Two Coons A-Washing!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Three Walker chickens.

On the 4th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Four crows squawking.

On the 5th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Five cans of Tuna!

On the 6th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Six Wild Hogs.

On the 7th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Seven Frogs A-Croaking.

On the 8th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Eight White Russians!

On the 9th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Nine Rats A-Dancing.

On the 10th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Ten Field Mice Scurrying.

　

On the 11th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Eleven Catnip Treasures!

On the 12th Day of Christmas, the Hotep gave to me -

Twelve Hotep Carols!

　

　

The Mighty Hotep Wishes for You and Yours the Most Blessed Christmas and Happiest of New Years in 2015!
Merry Christmas to All, And to All
　
A GOOD NIGHT!
　
　
　
　
　
　

Pyramid Day

Well, dear Readers, it is almost Pyramid Day, one of the most wonderful holidays to the Hotep.  In Egypt we do not celebrate Thanksgiving, but we have instead Pyramid Day, a day of feasting and watching games involving kicking balls about on a level field.

I am beginning my rituals associated with Pyramid Day, and I am planning a special blessing for all my faithful readers.  In Egypt, we prepare feasts of minted mice and rat goulash.  Cheese and bread are available to upper echelon priests, as well as almond flavored milk.  We feline priests love to relax on Pyramid Day with a musical performance by the cattalus choir.    It is a fact that we like wild birds, and the ancient Ba is related to your American turkey.  The Ba contains an enzyme which, after eating, causes all Hoteps to fall into a slumberous state for several hours. 

Your Hotep will be dining on Catty Custard, a lovely substance made of milk and honey and cooked to a thick texture.  I do hope your feast day is as spectacular as I believe the Egyptian celebrations to be!

I have survived the Arctic Blast well, although the sudden sharp cold did hinder my appointed rounds in the city.  I got into a game of casting dies under the old wash house with Coach Lloyd's cats and was late with my curfew one evening.  I arrived back at my keepers' home to find them quite concerned about my wellbeing.  My fur coat was hardly damp though, thank goodness.

I have located a soft fluffy bed in a room which I have claimed as my own.  After a hard day of priestly visits and rituals, it is wonderful to dine and then make haste to my blue blanket whereupon I fall into a deep sleep for the night.  It is so cozy on this soft pallet that I do not awake until almost 5:30 am each morning.  I will post a photo of my bed if anyone is interested to see how ancient priests reclined for sleeping. 

That is all I have for now.  Just remember, as you celebrate your Pyramid Day, don't let the turkeys get you down!  This is your Hotep, wishing you a fabulous feast followed by a wonderful rest.

Halloween Hotep

 

 

Well, my Dear Readers, what do think of this fabulous Halloween costume?  I must say, no one recognized me in my stupendous hat.  You know how the Hotep loves a good hat, and this was just too divine to pass up!!  A friend from Fort Worth found this and with a bit of eye color and some Dixie Queen flour I was able to pass myself off as this fabulous sooth-sayer!  I was the most sought after and followed feline at the party.

I heard there were almost 100 children at the Trunk or Treat festivities down on Church St.  I think I like children - I'm not sure.  I haven't been close to many.  They seem to be very busy though.

My keepers' yard and garden were regally rolled with high grade toilet tissue Halloween night.  The festoons stretched all along the fence and even the porch rails of the house were decorated.  The Buddha in the birdbath had a lovely turban, and the garden looked as if it were decorated for a wedding.  My keepers enjoyed all the mysterious hard work the goblins did.  They remember in their younger days having been great toilet paper sculptors.

The last several nights have been very cold.  I discovered that one of my keepers had something under the sheet that keeps things very warm.  Last night I went to bed and enjoyed a whole night on the toasty warm thing.  The Hotep slept the sleep of angels, on my back, with my feet up in the air.  I was so refreshed this morning, I may again attempt to steal into that cocoon tonight!

That is all the update I have for today.  I just had to share my costume.  I had considered going as The Invisible Cat, but then you wouldn't be able to see my picture would you?

Priestly Problem

My dear Readers, how are you enjoying this wonderful Fall weather?  The cooler days and mild nights are just what the Hotep needs to go about my priestly duties.  I am enjoying circulating among my people here in Avinger, having a meal here and there with friends and dozing the afternoons away beside my alter.

I had an accident a week ago.  Something bit my front paw as I was making my nightly rounds!  It become terribly swollen and infected and I was taken to Dr. Seymore, the vet to the High Priests.  Oh my he touched my paw and all manner of awful stuff came forth!  I was given a large injection of antibiotics along with foot salve, and I have been enjoying hot Epsom Salt foot soaks every night.  I am feeling so much better that I have recommenced my ramblings and the foot is not swollen any more.  Here is a picture of my swollen foot:

As you can see I was well cared for by my keepers.  I think they are going to take out some insurance on me.  Egyptian priest cats with klutzy tendencies probably should be insured.  I seem to have more than my share of incidents, all of which are accidental.

I have not been able to hunt since my paw was injured, but I am watching a mole hill closely in the side yard.  Cliocatra is trying to catch it also and I have to periodically threaten her away from the mole hill to claim my territory.

The persimmons are falling in the back yard, and the coons are making nightly raids to consume them.  Did you know you can tell what the winter will be like by opening the seed of a persimmon?  If you open and see a spoon outlined there will be lots of snow.  If you see a knife, get the kitty litter ready for you will need it for the ice to come!  Just be sure not to short your feline's catbox.  We get most upset about that.  The Hotep is an expert weather prognosticator based on the signs from Mother Nature.   There are many bois d'arc balls this fall also.  That foretells a hard winter too, and they are also excellent insect repellants if you put them in your cabinets.  Not to mention all the extra hair I am suddenly growing all over!  I love my fur coat!

The leaves are turning gold and red, and the sunny days bring out the sulfur butterflies.  I watch the birds sailing through the blue sky above, and think what a beautiful place to live.  Soon it will be Halloween and I shall don my costume and go forth to solicit treats from all my friends in Avinger.
I hope they have some sardines and catnip.  I don't care for candy much.  I haven't decided on a costume yet.  Do any of you wonderful readers have any ideas?  If so, feel free to post a comment with your suggestions!

May your horn of plenty run over with the joys of Fall!  Your Happy Hotep.

A Terrible Asp

Dear Readers, I want to share a warning with you regarding the asps of East Texas.  Here behind the Pine Curtain, there lurk awful poisonous creatures who will strike and kill!  Such a terrible reptile was found and eradicated at the lake house of one of my benefactors.

Lady Janelle Knowles has a lake house near here.  She was so kind when I had my eye injury to donate toward my surgery and I have a very warm feeling toward her ever since.  This summer around Labor Day, a terrible asp reared up at one of her guests down by the lake.

Now, it's against the law in Texas to kill certain protected species of snakes.  The asp that was killed was one who looked like a protected snake, but I'm certain Lady Janelle would never allow a protected reptile to be killed, so we are sure it was a kingsnake who looked suspiciously like a timber rattler.  Here is a picture of the offending reptile.

 

This terrible asp sent shivers over me when I saw the picture.  Even the mighty Hotep would not want to encounter this monster!  I am so glad my friend was not injured by the asp, although I am sure it would scare her awfully should she come across it in the grass.

Please remember if you are raking leaves or walking in the woodlands to beware the asps of East Texas.  The Hotep takes great care to avoid them at all costs.

Fall in Hotep Land

Oh my dear Readers, I'm so sorry for the lapse in my sharing with you, but the last months have been so hot and miserable I just haven't felt up to preparing an epistle!  I have spent most of my time in my keepers' house or on the front porch trying to stay cool.  Now Fall is in the air, and Hotep loves the Fall.  All the little animals are getting ready for winter and I love to watch them at work.

While I don't eat squirrel, I do enjoy seeing them rush about gathering pecans in Ann Cook's yard.  Sometimes they see me and fuss at me, thinking I'm going to be aggressive with them.  I just laugh and keep going.  The persimmons are falling off the tree, even though there hasn't been a frost, and the coons are coming at night to eat them.  I sit on the deck by my alter to watch them.  I find them quite amusing.

It has finally rained a bit.  I didn't even go into the field because it was so dry.  I hate stick-tights and they would get all over me.  Now the grass is soft and sweet, and the field is full of bunny rabbits.

I went next door to the renter's house.  Her name is Kathy, and she puts out water for me.  She has some jewels she is going to loan me for a photograph when she returns from Hawaii.  I have been watching her house while she is away.  I love to lie on the rug she has on the patio.  It's much more comfortable than lying on the concrete!

One of my keepers fell on her face in the kitchen last week.  She has been in terrible pain, and I have been sleeping with her as a comfort.  She likes to reach out and touch me at night to be sure I'm there.  I seem to offer her a degree of warmth and rest.  She hit the floor like a large tree and did not move for a moment.  I was afraid she would block my food bowl, but she crawled up finally.

I had a wonderful adventure this morning.  It was raining when I went forth at 5:30 am.  The neighbors next door, Steve and Patty, have some giant trash piles in their yard teeming with snakes and rodents.  As I made my way over to inspect them, I was able to catch a giant rat.  I was so happy I took it to the front porch to show my keepers my hunting skills.  After they praised me, I beat it severely, then consumed the top part of it.  Cliocatra was watching from the door, green with envy.  I was so happy to have topped her capture of a very small mouse two days ago!

When I finished the delectable treat and was washing up, my keepers came to the door and saw that I had left the rat snout, entrails, and lower half.  I only eat my favorite parts as there are many more rats to catch next door.  I can afford to eat only the best parts.  This upsets my keepers, who then have to get Monte to bring a shovel and remove the remains.  Meanwhile, Cliocatra wants badly to inspect my kill, but the keepers won't allow it.

I will do a ritual of thanksgiving at my alter once the rain stops.  Hotep is always grateful for a savory tidbit!

I hope, dear Readers, that cooler weather is coming soon.  The great full moon makes me want to spent the nights outside on the porch swing, enjoying the night air and seeing what things come forth to dance in the moonlight.  I shall be in touch as the Fall progresses.  The garden has been turned over and burned off for the year.  The circle of the seasons is turning toward winter.  Soon the leaves will begin to turn.  Don't you love the Fall in East Texas?

Until next time, the Hotep wishes you mild days, beautiful nights, and some hot cider!

Hot Cat Days of Summer

The hot summer days have arrived and let me tell you, my Readers, you must be very careful in this awful heat.  I spend the day each day with my friend, the calico cat at Coach Lloyd's, and even in his shed or on the front porch I am exhausted when I return home in the evening!

This is true Egyptian heat, and although I am the Hotep, great Cat God, I just can't stand it when it gets this hot.  Make sure you leave a lot of water out for all the little animals and birds.  It's hard for them to get enough water in days like these.

I have had a very terrible experience.  I have a flea.  I don't know where I got it, but I am horrified that a flea would dare violate the mighty Hotep persona!  My keepers have sprayed me with some kind of anti-flea substance.  I only hope it works.  I cannot do my work when preoccupied with the itching of fleas!

I had promised you a picture of the black devil, Lucifer.  Here he is, in his glory.  It is hard to believe he has passed over to the elysian fields of the gods.  He was a mighty warrior indeed.

My keepers are still mourning his passing, and I must say, I miss him myself.  He was always most congenial to me.

My jeweler has been out of town and I am waiting for her to come forward with my necklace and jeweled scarf before posting a picture of myself in my plane.  I am seriously thinking of doing a ritual and performing some cloud seeding to help send some healing rains to the area.  Hotep does not enjoy being hot!

Please be careful in the heat.  My keepers are picking olives from their trees this week.  They plan to try preserving some.  The Egyptians acquired olives from trade with the Phoenicians you know.  I am well versed in the use of olives in a liquid comprised of the juniper berry!  Cheers and blessings, your Hotep.

Priestly Getup

  

 

 

 

 

 

Well, my dear Readers, as you can see the Tailor to the Priests, Jane Yarbrough, has presented me with a priestly hat worthy of my high place among the Egyptian High Priestly caste!  I love my new hat as it only increases my powers to spread enlightenment and blessings to all in Avinger and the surrounding area.  With my airplane, I can venture as far as Houston to shower Hotep goodness everywhere.  I have not yet crossed the Red River into Oklahoma as I have heard it is a no-cat's land!

 

 

Night before last during my nightly rituals I was able to capture a large mouse.  I presented it to my keepers on the front porch - the least I could do since they put me in touch with my tailor.  I then ceremoniously devoured it, leaving the snout and entrails for them to enjoy.  I must say that they were not as overjoyed as I had expected.  In fact, they called upon that dusky jack-of-all-trades, Monte, to wash them off the porch!  They will regret having done so, for that was a priestly gift, and you sure don't want to look a gift cat in the mouth.  You never know what you might find there!

 

I have been hearing that Mr. Bud Poole isn't doing too well.  I am going to fly over his house and dispense a special Hotep Blessing in the hopes that it will lift his spirits and his health.  Mr. Bud is a special resident of Avinger, with a storied past and a vivid, wonderful life to tell about.  I believe he is over 90 years old, which in Hotep years is about 860 years old!! 

 

My keepers' garden is about done for this year.  I have enjoyed working with them as they toiled in it.  I could sit by and observe, as well as meditate on my nightly rambles through it, seeking unsuspecting vermin to use for my sacrifices.  I observed an amazing thing one night.  Three of the biggest raccoons I have ever seen arrived on the deck.  One climbed to the top of my keepers' fig tree and devoured all the figs at the top!  Another climbed up the persimmon tree, I suppose to check to see if any persimmons were ripe yet.  I hid and watched from behind the pool.  You do not want to mess with a bunch of coons who are eating and who are so large.  It was a most interesting observation!

 

I am hoping my tailor will get some stars to add to my new hat.  I love glittery things.  One cannot accessorize enough when one is an Egyptian Priest! 

 

Until next time, dear Readers, this is the high hatted Bobby Hotep wishing you peace and blessings in all you do.

 



Hotep in Priestly Sleeping Position

Oh, Gentle Readers, I cannot tell you how exhausted I am!  The last several weeks have taken all the priestly strength I have.  The Black Devil (Lucifer), succumbed to his cancer and my keepers have spent the last weeks keening and wailing in mourning.  I was very fond of him.  He was the largest and most amazing Black Devil I have ever encountered.  I attempted to emulate him in several of his habits, such as resting in bed, reclining on the dining room table, and holding court when guests arrived. 

As you can see from my photograph above, I fell asleep while holding my scepter.  A small person of 4 years old invaded my space this whole last week.  He liked me and I liked him and was very curious about him, but just when I began to investigate him he would scream and make sudden motions which unnerved me completely.  He had numerous small automobiles which he would rush across the room shouting, "Buddon, buddon."  I do not understand that language!

I must rest now, for I have been neglecting my priestly duties due to so much drama.  I will write again after I recover from my vapors!  Your Bobby, the Hotep.

A Bobby Hotep Update

Oh Gentle Readers, you must forgive me for being lax in my communications to you, but things have been good and not good here in the forests behind the Pine Curtain!  As Chief Priest, it has been my duty to nurse and comfort the Black Devil who suffered from a terrible cancer.  He developed a tumor in his lymph gland beside his neck which grew in two weeks to the size of a fist.  He had to take an operation of the utmost danger and delicacy, from which, with my help, he emerged victorious.  Selah.

I have nursed him through the month of May and June, even sleeping in the same chair with him as a comfort as he has a terrible line of stitches from his neck to his jaw which will be removed this Tuesday.  I have a picture of us which I will post later.

Cliocatra hates me with even more vengeance than ever.  The hissing and growling never cease when I wander near her.  It is all I can do not to cast a spell upon her, but I fear she might cast one back on me!  She has powers almost equal to mine.  Why only yesterday I was but toying with a leaf of the gardenia on the porch when she leaned from her chair to slash at me.  I was forced to inch backward while in a sitting position to avoid her evil claws.  Her hatred knows no bounds!

The other diversion is that I have acquired an airplane!  Thus I may fly over the city, spreading my enlightenment and wisdom to all.  In fact, several cities.  I have a photograph of it also which I shall post soon.  My handlers are ever so kind to me.  I have come to love reclining in the bed during the day, on my back, my back feet propped up on pillows as I prepare for the nightly wanderings and rituals.

Just this week I found, toyed with, and consumed a small black mouse in the back yard.  My pleasure was immense and I tossed it about and ran amok through the bahia grass!  It harkened back to my ancient ancestors on the banks of the Nile, who also enjoyed a rodent indulgence. 

My handlers have planted a garden which is producing many long, green, somewhat vulgar looking vegetables.  They are quite upset however due to the fact that what they call squash is not making.  It seems to be a sexual issue having to do with male and female blooms and a lack of bees.  My handlers are out attempting to manually pollinate the female flowers, which I find hilariously funny.  One of them almost fell out the other morning, staggering about with male flower in hand, searching for the female flower with the tiny squash attached.  I doubt they will have squash!

I have discovered a lovely diversion called toilet paper.  I can stand on my hind legs and use my front feet to twirl the roll on a rod.  Mass lengths of white funereal bindings unwind as a result, but my handlers get most upset when I play this wonderful game.  It is truly an Egyptian pastime!  If only I could mummify Cliocatra and wrap her in the bindings!

That, gentle readers, is the extent of my musings today.  My photographic posts will soon follow, with my plane and my time with the Black Devil.  Please keep in mind that Bobby Hotep is thinking of you all most gently, until I epistle again!

A Fish Story

Well it's been raining for two days.  I have been made to stay inside until this evening when I insisted on going out.  I had no sooner left the house than a terrible storm came.  I went to my secret hideout to wait out the storm and spend the night.  I can only take so much of those other two felines in the house!

 

I have found out that the pizza place has fish on Friday and Saturday.  Everyone knows that the catfish was a gift from the great Sun God Isis to the Cat God, Me.  That's why it's called a catfish.  I like my catfish whole, and that Mr. Lambert who cooks the fish down there at Avinger Pizza serves them whole, filleted, and in steak form.  I plan on visiting the pizza place tomorrow to see if I can get a fish handout.  Or maybe my keepers will go down there to eat and bring me one!

 

I have never had a fresh catfish.  Maybe one day Tommy Walker will catch one and bring it to me and I can eat a raw, fresh fish.  I've heard stories about them from other cats who say they are delicious!  That black devil, Lucifer, is so spoiled he won't eat anything but salmon.  That's not what wise, ancient cats eat. 

A Busy Weekend

This weekend was very busy.  One of my keepers had something called a "graduation".  I don't know what that is, but there were a lot of strange people in our house.  My keeper has a squirt bottle of water, and I hate it.  Every time I try to respond to Cliocatra's hisses by advancing on her, I get squirted with water.  It's awful.  I have decided to just let her hiss and not respond.

It's getting warmer outside and I stayed out all night a couple of nights this week.  Being a cat god, there are certain rituals I have to do at night, so when it's pretty I stay out.  Plus I don't have to put up with those uppity other cats.

A bee stung me on my butt day before yesterday.  I was minding my own business out on the porch.  I jumped clear across the porch when it hit me.  My keeper let me come inside and I took a long nap then I felt a lot better.  It's hard being a cat god.

There's a whitehaired lady across the street named Ann, and she pets me when I see her.  She's very nice to Lucifer (the black devil who is the Alpha in the house), Groucho (Cliocatra to me), and me.  I wasn't sure she would like me but she does.  I haven't told her I'm a cat god yet, I'm waiting to get to know her better.

Another lady named Jane comes over and she pets us all.  She's very nice to me, except she laughs cause I like to prop my back feet up on the wall when I sleep.  Cat gods sleep on their backs and I'm no exception.  When I prop my feet up on the wall or chair, then I dream of my time as the companion of the great Amenhotep and I am once again the god Bobby Hotep, King of all Cats.  That's a good dream!

 
 
BIG NEWS!!
 
A famous priest, Tony Bridge, Jr., has done a genealogical chart on me.  I am related to Amenhotep's great cat God, Bobby Hotep.   A direct descendant of the cat god makes me a cat god too.  I shall henceforth be known as Bobby Hotep!
 
 

 My job is to spread light and knowledge to everyone in Avinger.  As the resident Cat God I visit my subjects to teach them enlightenment.  As they feed me, the gain blessings from the great Bobby Hotep.  I am working on an outfit suitable for a Cat God.  When I get it finished, I will see that my keepers photograph me and post a suitable picture.
 
My biggest problem is that Cliocatra, my nemesis, lives with my keepers and she hisses and curses me constantly.  I can't figure out why she doesn't realize I'm a God and worship me.  She growls at me everytime I walk by, and I'm thinking she may sic her asp on me!  A Cat God has to be careful of cat women bearing snakes!

 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Bob Bross 

Avinger, Texas Town Cat

 

 

Bob Bross is the Avinger, Texas (pop. 442) "Town Cat".  He is a yellow tabby with no tail and he roams around town, visiting businesses and homes, looking for love and handouts.  Bob recently went courting and received some serious wounds.  His right eye was almost scratched out and his testicles were scratched.  Bob was taken to the vet where he has been neutered and is currently wearing a button sewn on his eye to protect it while it heals. He is living with some protective ladies while he's in rehab.  Bob has some vet bills and needs some help getting them paid.  Any donations would be appreciated.  He thinks he might want to be a house cat now and is enjoying sleeping in a warm, soft place.  He's been vaccinated and has decided that cat food is preferable to going door to door.

See what happens when you go courting?

I hope I won't be blind when they take this off

Update on Bob 3/17/2014 Bob is celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the Cat Spa.  He can't have his button removed yet because his eye is still too swollen. He is feeling fine otherwise, and actually went walkabout for about 2 hours last week before he was corralled at one of his favorite food stops and brought back to his keepers.  He is quite anxious to be outside and free to move about the town.

Doc sewed this button on to protect my eye. AARGGG!

Free at last, God A'mighty I'm free at last! Update:  Mar. 25, 2014 Bob has had a very interesting several days.  He went to the Cat Spa (Vet) for the weekend.  His button was removed and on Sunday night or early Monday morning, he busted out.  The vet's employees found his cage wide open and no sign of Bob.  Finally, around noon on Monday, he appeared from nowhere to advise he wanted his lunch.  Needless to say, his keepers were called and he was brought home.  His eye looks much better and is getting drops twice a day.  He has been outside in the sun and is enjoying his freedom very much! April 10, 2014 My Mom says I have to start doing my own blogging, so here I am, Yeeeowww, tyring my hand at blogging.  I've been busy since I got my button off.  There is a yellow cat who looks just like me but with a long tail, and he lives in the woods across from my Mom and Bear's house.  He comes looking for me and wants to fight.  I have to confess, I am a great warrior, but I can't fight very well.  My Mom says I don't stand right, that I'm not a boxer and I can't stand with my back legs all spread apart.  But they are too long and it's all I can do.  I can't crouch down and jump up cause it hurts my hips. I'm trying hard not to fight.  I get scratched every time.  I went to see Pam Downs last week, she lives in a big white house close to town and she feeds me.  She has granddaughters who love to pet me, so I like going over there.  She works at City Hall and I know if I show up at noon when she goes home for lunch I'll get some good bites. I also go to Coach and Linda Loyd's every day.  They have cats who are friends of mine and I like to eat with them.  I also enjoy their front porch, they have chair cushions.  Coach comes home from school at 3 and feeds his cats, so I try to get by there for that.  He keeps telling me he's not going to feed me anymore but I know he's a pushover.  He's planting his garden now.  Yummmy rabbits later! I have to go now.  I have to be across town at April Aycock's to see what she has to eat.  I'm too fat now to shinny under Mom's gate, I have to climb up and over. Dang!